Sharpening My “Kindsight”

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The question today for the 30 Day Emotional Eating Journaling Challenge is, “When I look in the mirror at myself, I feel…. because …”. Man, I wish it would have asked me what I see. I have an answer for what I see but I think that’s half the problem. I have an answer for what I see because I have learned how to view my world through my filtered judgements. I don’t have a ready made answer for what do I feel. Dang. I am forced to really look instead of just seeing. I am brave enough though. So here goes…

Today, when I look at myself in the mirror I still see the weight but I can feel the thinner me looking out and searching. I still see the age and the wrinkles but I can feel the younger me pulsing underneath my skin, just waiting for the opportunity to run. I see the pounds but I can feel the true shape of me, buried, underneath years of pain. I see a well used, older model but I can feel the new engine purring within the heart of me.

I am learning that my eyes truly do deceive me because they don’t interpret the image they take in. They are only looking at the outside. I am learning that there is a difference between what you look at and what you see. My eyes see the flesh but they don’t look at the story in the flesh and appreciate how remarkable the reflection truly is. My eyes fail me but not because of age; they fail because they can only see, they can’t look. I think that’s where my emotions come in to play because when you ask me what do I feel when I look in the mirror, the real me, raises her head and waits to be noticed.

My eyesight has worsened over the last few years but my it’s my “kindsight” that has improved with each passing day. As I begin to truly look at my friends, neighbors and strangers with “kindsight”, I watch their beauty reveal itself to me and I am amazed. I am surrounded by some truly beautiful souls that I didn’t see before. It has now become easier to see their beauty and their talents, long before I take in their physical appearance. I have been practicing “looking with love” and I see you, even though you don’t see yourself.

I am now bringing that practice home. I am sharpening my “kindsight” you might say, on myself. So now when I look in the mirror, I see true weight lost. I see years of guilt, anxiety, pressure, self-sabotage and abuse fall away. I feel excitement that my new eyes are finally seeing who I truly am. I am refining that image and I am starting to see it take shape in my physical form and that is the weight loss I have been waiting for all these years.

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