A Course in Weight Loss Day 4 – Lesson 2

This was a hard lesson, but a good one. The letters were hard for us to write but we learned things about ourselves and we both found that we have a lot of forgiveness work to do.

We are learning to love the part of ourselves that is the over-eater – the not-so thin me. We both understand her better, but can’t say that we totally love her yet. In this video we talk about writing our letters and how hard that task was for us.

Lizabeth uses a great analogy of putting rocks in a backpack which is a lot like the brick wall that Marianne used in Lesson 1. We must take the rocks out of the backpack and either toss them or continue to carry them on our body. Something has to happen the that energy.

Our not-so-thin self has been holding the rocks for us and protecting us from the pain. It’s time to get rid of the rocks in the backpack.

What is your not-so-skinny self trying to tell you? When we begin to love her, she will go away. Can you love her?

Please share how this exercise went for you below. Also, invite others to join in the study with us.

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  1. ladies! really enjoying your insights..thanks for being so brave to share your journey in such a public format. I am beginning to suspect that there will be no chapter in this book that won’t resonant with me or have me in tears. But these tears are tears of recognition and hope. The idea of loving “Fat Me” seemed a ludicrous possibility. How can I love someone that is causing me so much harm? This question pretty much sums up the level of self hatred i have been carrying around with me for more years than perhaps I even know. Because “Fat me” and “Trim Me” are one and the same- and this was the first time i guess I finally understood that. I realized that neither “me’s” are happy with the way they feel or look or are perceived by the world. Both are dissatisfied with what currently is. The letters were rather civil, apologetic; acknowledgement of wrongs done on both sides. There is a lot of want and need for understanding…and most importantly an acknowledgement that “Fat Me” is so hurt by “Trim Me’s” inability to love and accept her as so readily as she does with anybody and everybody else. I now understand that I need to forgive myself. The wall is high, or as you illustrate, the backpack is weighted down with rocks and boulders and pebbles and stones. It’s funny how on a conscious level I know and believe in all these principles but somehow they have got lost in translation. I think giving it to God, will continue to be a daily process. That ‘praying without ceasing’ particularly struck me- you are so right- this is the renewal of our mind- returning to the truth of who we really are and the freedom that God wants us to live in and through. So I am not loving her yet, but maybe love comes softly in this situation…and as I focus my attentions on healing the roots- the causes rather than just band-aiding the effects, perhaps I will love her to the point where we can work together to be the full woman God always intended me to be.

    • I applaud you Sally and your willingness to share in a public forum as well. It helps all of those who read it. I am receiving such a boost in my current emotional state from reading and responding to you guys. Cindy and I never realized how much just sharing ourselves, as we are, helps so many until we did it. More than that, we are able to help ourselves too.

      I am walking moment by moment right now through some deep emotional pain that I cannot even label. I have to keep saying to myself that every time I choose to feel whatever emotion is coming up, I am melting off another pound. Or better yet, tossing another rock from the backpack. I don’t feel lighter this moment but I know I will soon and my body will show the badges of a new future, instead of the scars of yesterday.

  2. I just have to say that yesterday and today I have been so irritable and today even feeling pissed off. I just feel like there are things stirring up inside of me over years of body image issues and eating issues. I don’t want to look at these dark things, I am much more comfortable just focusing on the positive. I am just feeling pretty bad. To be honest I am struggling with this letter writing. I have been thinking about it all day, but have not done it yet. At one point today I got clearly that the part of myself that has the food issues is so fearful of being seen, of drawing any attention to myself. I am going to continue the lessons too.

    • Ok– I did write some of the things that have been on my mind today. In the end, I remember to shine the light of love into the darkness…….and I am not alone.

      I was also reminded sometime either yesterday or today, I can’t remember which, about how when I worked in the hospice we sometimes had patients that did or were doing things that were really hurtful in the world and somehow I was able to shine a light of love and compassion and give them care that I know all human beings deserve. Remembering that has helped me remember about loving the parts of myself that are in the shadows.

      • I am proud of you Heather for feeling pissed off and stirring up the dark things. There is health underneath. I am proud of you for finding the courage to write it down and release it. You are a strong woman.

        I am searching in the dark too and then I realized that I am blocking the light, so I am trying to see through my own shadow. Thanks for the visual. I needed it today.

  3. Vivian Miller says

    My fat self wrote the most venomous letter imaginable. I was embarrassed to re-read it. No wonder I am carrying excess weight. All those feelings negative and positive underneath the surface. I am surprised because the “coping” part of me does not go there and think about all the effort it took to just survive within the complexity.

    I feel like I need to go to bed and sleep it off. I wanted Chinese today, but settled for Chipotle. Felt good eating all thos veggies. I have not destroyed the LETTER but perhaps I need to. For the time being I want to remember how difficult it was for the fat girl to wear the armor. It was a painful process. Glad I did it after dinner.

    • Vivian Miller says

      I remember a therapist telling me if I had not overeaten I probably would have killed someone. Or a better way of saying it is that it was a survival mechanism.

      I will continue the lessons.

      • I also had a therapist tell me something along the same lines Vivian. It was a survival mechanism and it amazes me how hard it is to let it go!

        My thin-self wrote the venomous letter to my fat-self! There was all kinds of blame, shame, guilt and anger. I toyed with tearing it out of my journal and decided against it. This is my journey, warts and all and I need to express it or I risk hanging on to it forever. I am working towards reconciliation with both sides but right now, I am just taking this one wart at a time.

        I have been ready to lay down the armor for a L-O-N-G time but actually doing it is proving to be a battle of the wills between fatso and pencil. haha

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