Six Pounds Down and Counting!

Week one done. Check!

I lost six pounds and Lizabeth lost eight. Not a bad start.

It’s been an emotional, interesting week to say the least. It wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t easy either.

We want to share our weight loss journey with you because I KNOW we can do it. I’ve done it before. Same plan. I know I can do it again.

The more we share our journey, the more committed we’ll have to be. Or our next diet will consist of eating a lot of crow.

We decided not to share our plan because we aren’t doing this to sell the plan. We don’t want to mention it in every post or comment because we aren’t doing this to sell the plan. We are doing this for the accountability. And to, hopefully, inspire others. You CAN do this too, you know.

We get to eat 3 itsy, bitsy, tiny replacement meals/shakes/snacks per day, 8oz. of lean protein, 4 cups of low carb vegetables, coffee, tea, a minimum of 64oz of water, and some supplements. That’s it. No more and no less.

The hardest part for me? Drinking the 64 ounces of water plus an extra cup of water for each cup of coffee I drink. I am considering moving my desk to the bathroom.

One of the good things for me? No added exercise. We walk and hike as much as we did before, but no killing ourselves in the gym. Not that there’s anything wrong with that if that’s what you enjoy. But, we tried that and even though we have some fond memories (well, Lizabeth might disagree), it’s just not our thing. And it’s hard to do while we are on the road.

The best part for me? The stuff it brings up for both of us. Talk about being forced to face your issues. Man, they sometimes just jump up and stomp on you! But, that is a good thing! We remind each other of that daily. That’s a GOOD thing. And THAT’S why we are doing this.

I know this may sound crazy to most of you reading this, but we believe that we have some pretty big things to accomplish in this lifetime. Not only do we need more energy and less weight to get some of those things done, but we want to get rid of all the baggage that’s been weighing us down, not only around the hips and waist, but on the inside too.

It’s so much easier to live out loud and accomplish BIG things when all the shit we’ve carried around for years is no longer weighing us down on the inside. Unfortunately, that shit is not so easy to see sometimes since I’m in there with it. I need someone, or something, to point it out.

This is a pretty extreme diet. It’s forced us into a pretty extreme box. One that we aren’t completely comfortable with. One we even HATE sometimes. But, making ourselves stay in this box helps us to see, identify and sometimes, understand, the shit and demons that are still inside pulling us down.

I hate emotions. I hate feelings. Ask my friends and family. I avoid it like the plague. But, I also know that when the feelings are there you have two choices: feel them or stuff them. When we stuff them, they stay with us. When we feel them, they are released. If they are never released, they cause all kinds of unwanted shit and demons that we carry around with us everywhere.

Carrying around shit and demons does crazy stuff to our bodies. One of those crazy things is weight gain. Another is stress. Left too long, that weight and stress will turn into dis-ease. The sooner we can just feel the feelings and let them go, the better.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a difference between feeling the feelings to let them go and wallowing in them. When I say feel them, I mean just that: FEEL them. You don’t necessarily have to share them or spread them or get attention from them or show them. You just have to feel them.

I think… and this is the world according to Cindy… it’s best to feel them with a conscious curiosity. Experience them. All of them. The good ones, the bad ones, and the indifferent ones. And look at them as indicators of what’s going on around us. That’s what they truly are, just indicators or sensors. Look at them with curiosity as to what they are trying to tell us.

I’m a computer scientist, so to me, the emotions are the sensors which send signals to our central processing unit, also knows as the brain. When an emotion is sensed, I feel it. But, instead of stuffing it or getting caught up in the drama of it, I try to observe it to see what this means. Where did it come from? What caused it? What’s it trying to tell me? What’s out of alignment to cause this? How can I avoid, or attract, this feeling again?

I suppose some people call this managing your emotions. And I suppose that’s what I’ve done most of my life. That was my coping skill growing up. I was taught not to show emotions or I got in trouble. I stuffed a lot of them, but over the years, I also learned how to just manage them because I HATE DRAMA! I had tooooo many drama queens and kings in my young life as it was and I decided that being a drama queen was the last thing I wanted to be.

Since most emotion felt like drama queen status, and stuffing them was not making me feel better, I learned to just be curious about them. I would allow myself some time (5 minutes works for me) to just be in the emotion and then I would analyze the emotion and figure out what in the hell it all meant. I’m a thinker and this worked best for me. It may not work for you.

I really got off track there, but the point is that even though I learned to manage the emotions, I really stuffed a lot of them before I figured out how to manage them. Those stuffed emotions are the ones causing me trouble now. Those are the ones hanging around my middle and around my hips. It’s not quite as easy as just letting them go. I have to find them, identify them, and then push them out.

First of all, it’s often hard to find them. They’ve been hiding in there for a very long time. Second, even when they do rear their ugly little heads, I don’t like the looks of them and I don’t want to admit they are still there and now a part of me, so I stuff them again. I have the opposite reaction to pushing them, I tend to pull them back in. I don’t want to see them, much less let anyone else see them!

For some reason, it’s easier for me to manage the new emotions rather than tackle the old emotions. Maybe they’ve grown with age? Maybe that little girl who stuffed them, saw them as much bigger than they really were? Who knows? Regardless of the reason, they are more difficult for me.

I’m thankful for Lizabeth and that she is going through this with me. She won’t let me stuff them again. As they start to show their ugly little heads, and I start stuffing, she gently reminds me to pull them back out so I can let them go. Well, she doesn’t always do it gently, maybe because I’m too stubborn for that, but it’s always in love. I try to do the same for her.

We’ve faced several of those demons this past week. I am proud to say that several are now gone – or at least not as strong as they once were. They may still be hiding underneath and may strike again when this new box I’ve put myself in gets smaller and corners them again. That’s why I’m staying in the box. The smaller the box, the more shit and demons I can see. They have fewer places to hide.

The good news is that once I’ve killed the demons and cleaned up the shit, my life will change for the better. When they are gone… really gone, and all that’s left is the real, genuine, transparent, vibrant, joyful me, the pounds will no longer be needed to give those shitty demons a place to hide. I’ve narrowed their box by six pounds because I narrowed my box so that I can face them.

I can’t wait to see what this next week brings!

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