Jumping Off the Deep End

Today’s the day. Today we start the diet. It’s a very strict diet – definitely not one for sissy’s. If it’s not lean meat or a low carb (usually green) vegetable, then we probably can’t eat it.

I know the diet works because I’ve done it before. I have faith in this diet and trust that it is a healthy plan. Some people will probably tell us that what we are doing is not healthy, but I’m here to tell you, what we were doing before was not healthy. This will be much healthier than our diet has been for the past 5 years.

It’s only day one and we’ve already learned a lot. We’ve already faced some major triggers and made some pretty big decisions.

Last night, when we looked at how much food we still have in our home that is not allowed on our new diet, we toyed with the idea of waiting another day to start so we could eat all the food. I mean, you can’t just throw out beer! Or cheese, or yogurt, or guacamole, or sausage, or even almond milk! Right? Ok, so if we don’t postpone the diet, we’ll just eat these things in very small amounts until they are gone. (I don’t have money issues, do I?)

But, then, in the shower, I realized that it was just another excuse. I could keep living my life with yet another excuse, or I could jump in with both feet and really stick to the commitment I made to lose the weight and not cheat. I didn’t want to start out with a big cheat. Eating the foods, even in small amounts, would be cheating. Putting the diet off for another day would be cheating. I refuse to cheat.

In the trash it went. (All except the beer. I’ll give that away.) We both, immediately, were faced with issues. I think it was my money issues (or waste issues) more than food issues. But, I realized that I can either waste the food in the trash or on my hips. The trash it is. It’s now in the campground waste instead of on my waist.

Throwing out the food was the second jump of the day. The first jump was on the scale. OMG! How did I let it get this far out of control? Then the measurements and pictures. It was disappointing. But, it was also encouraging. I will NEVER be at this weight again. Never. I’m making a commitment to myself (and now to you): I’ll never let it get this far out of control again.

The first time I did this diet, I faced a lot of my issues surrounding food, self-esteem, my past, etc. I thought I was done. Apparently, I’m not.

I’m thankful for the weight issues which helps me face my truths, and my issues. I also know that this time around may not bring up all the issues either. But, it will bring up some. And it will cause growth. It will be worth it. The weight loss will just be gravy.

I take all the blame for allowing myself to get to this point. But, I also take all the responsibility for changing my habits, changing my thoughts, changing my mind, changing my actions and changing my life in the future.

I can do this! I will do this! I deserve this!

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