Healing the Weight Loss

I didn’t have a problem losing weight before I turned 40, in fact, I could put it on or take
it off with relative ease. I chose to be overweight for most of my life as a protection against unwanted advances and it worked well. Now however, it is something that I no longer need and I am ready to release it for good.

I have been battling with my weight my entire life. It wasn’t a battle I started though. Just like many others, I had an abusive childhood and the excess weight was my main shield and comfort. I used food to feel full, to feel wanted, to feel important, to feel loved. Food was also my drug of choice. It gave me a high when I was low and helped me forget about a lot of things. It was something I could turn to when I was feeling bad and the one thing that I wanted when I felt like celebrating. I have a definite, on-going relationship with food. I have thought about food more than anything else in my life. I’m ready to think about something else. I am finally ready to change this relationship.

If I had a nickel for every time I have said I was ready to change my relationship to food, I would be richer than Oprah I’m sure. As an adult, I have tried eating more, eating less, exercising more, exercising less, programs, self-help groups, personal trainers, and innumerous combinations of them all. Most of them did work, for a short time but I gained more weight when it failed again. I am no stranger to trying new ways.

As a matter of fact, my first introduction to weight loss programs, excessive exercise and my first true battle with food began at eleven years old. I was forced to go through a meal replacement program, forced to exercise and forced to follow through with it. I can follow a plan. That is not the problem. So what is? Why am I still holding onto the weight if I have lost it numerous times? The answer, of course, is I hadn’t dealt with the underlying issues.

I spent 18 months in therapy working through my childhood issues and the aftermath but I’ve not addressed the weight. Not really. So every time I would start another diet or exercise plan, I had predetermined my failure because I hadn’t dealt with the emotions. So THIS time I am going to heal my weight not just lose it. I am going to allow myself to feel my weight loss. I am a 47 year old woman and I now understand that just like every other change in my life, I must process my weight from the inside out.

So I am going to address the triggers that come up. Cry the stored tears. Journal the feelings. Ask the hard questions and dig deep for the answers. I am done focusing on the numbers. They are a good tool but they aren’t my goal any longer. So how am I going to make this lasting change?

Here’s my plan: I am going through a weight loss program so I don’t have to focus on the numbers. I will have a couple of meal replacements with their food and then I fix a healthy dinner that is pre-planned. (They tell me how much meat to have, what seasonings/sauces I can use, what vegetables to have, etc.) This takes the thinking out of the weight loss so I can focus on the important part….the feelings. More Information

I was also “introduced” (I liked a meme on Facebook and went to her website kind of introduction) to a Registered Dietician named, Christin Morgan, whose work with intuitive eating has really sparked my interest. According to Christin, intuitive eating is focusing on using your body’s own hunger mechanism to gauge how much you need to eat…but also heavily focusing on finding self love WITHOUT that weight. Yes! This sounds like something I can work with once I get used to listening to my body again. Since starting this new program and starting the detox phase, I am able listen to my body once again and this time, I’m ready to listen. Her 30 Day Emotional Eating Challenge is to journal everyday for 30 days answering a specific question. Day 1: “My biggest barrier to weight loss is ______ and here is why _____. I will start this process for myself tomorrow. Here’s the link to her website if you are interested in the rest of the questions: http://www.christinmorgan.com/3-ways-journaling-can-help-weight-loss-project-christie-week-2/. I have signed up to receive her emails and I have joined her closed group on Facebook. I love her name too…”Christ-in” Morgan…great name!

I feel it in my bones this time. This combination is going to work. Why? Because I am dealing with all 3 aspects of myself: physically, emotionally and spiritually. I haven’t even really begun and I can finally say, “I am healing my weight loss!

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